Aftermath

So there is no way to quickly get over a loss of a loved one.

Harley Joe Knox

It has happened.  I have lost my brother.  My heart is broken in what seems like a million pieces.  I loved him so much!

I remember when he was a baby and I would give him his  bottle while Mom was fixing supper.  He would pull my hair and I couldn't get to him with one hand on the bottle and one arm holding him.

Joe was a very talented musician and I am so blessed to have the CD that he performed.  This gives me a chance to again hear his voice whenever I need it.  My children won't have that when I pass because I don't have that talent but they WILL have my words found here.

I always thought when my Mother passed that it had to be the worst experience ever.  Well, this seems even worse and I don't know if it's because I am older and wimpier or if it is because losing a sibling is a little different experience than losing a Mom.  They are both bad ones.  Watching a loved one suffer is the worst thing ever!

Today I wrapped presents while listening to that CD and bawling.  That is the way it goes.  We've all got to heal somehow.  I am sure for every person it is a little different.

I am thankful for the many friends and family who have shown sympathy and support.  Thanks to all!

ROSES

This book was an awesome read!  I just finished it.  I think I had put off reading it because it was over 600 pages but I finally got to it.  It covers a whole range of human emotions and feelings.  It's one of those books that I didn't want to put down.  In my opinion, those are the best books.  I only mention books if they are really good.  This book has a lot of family tragedy, mystery, love, hate and all of the skeletons in the closets.  The difference between this and real life is that for many families, the stories never get told because of the feelings that would get hurt or the embarrassment it would cause.  I think every family has things like what happened in this book transpire.  It surely reminds me of how crazy life can be.  Anyway, if anyone is interested in a good read I would highly recommend this one!

Meanwhile...

Meanwhile, what was happening on the other end of the spectrum?  I'll refer to the spouse who left as "Leaver".  So Leaver gets to run away from the spousal responsibilities and begin a new life with someone else without trying to seek help for the problems. 
  Leaver wants to discard "Left Behind" and the whole family along with any good or bad memories.  Just make them all disappear like inconsequential pieces of trash. 

Is it that easy? Really?  What Leaver isn't realizing is that they are trading one set of life problems for a new set of life problems.  Why?  Because no life is without its problems that's why. 

Three things come to my mind concerning this whole thing at this time:

1. The word "Karma".
2. The phrase "What goes around comes around".
3. Satan is more than happy to waltz through an open door. 

As far as memories go, one cannot dispose of them.  Memories can haunt a person and in this case, it is deserved.  Feelings of suppressed guilt will rear their ugly heads.  BEWARE!

Life is not always fair

I have thought about what happens when one spouse leaves another.  The person who is left behind so to speak has had some of their future decided by someone else.  That can't be a good feeling.  Especially if the left behind spouse is ill.  What chance do they have of uniting with someone new?  Finding someone who is willing to share their life from the get-go when they know they are sick.  I have seen this scenario more times than I care to admit.  My heart hurts for the person left behind.  Life isn't fair in a lot of ways.  Still, there are things to be thankful for...one has to look harder for them when one is depressed because of one's circumstances.  As for the person who leaves the sick spouse...I just can't find any respect for them.  Forgiveness for someone is different than having respect for them in everything.  You can forgive without respecting another person's actions.  God is in control and sometimes it is so hard to understand his purposes.  We must accept the fact that we may never know God's plan for our lives.  His ways are higher than ours and revenge belongs to him.  A life without forgiveness creates bitterness and nobody wants to die that way. 

Today's post seems gloomy, I know, but sometimes we all have gloomy thoughts and reflections. 

Me and Joe

I have mentioned my brother Joe many times in my posts.  He has had such a rough way to go the last few years with his health.  This is us:

We have always been close although we have not always agreed on everything in life of course.  I love my family dearly and my heart breaks for what Joe has been through.  All of it.  I am thankful to have had a good visit with him today.  It did my heart good.  :)

Beautiful Fall

The trees shown in the above picture is the property across the road from my house.  These trees were just beautiful this year!  I took it only a couple of days ago.  The leaves are now gone and we had snow on the ground this morning.  I am not ready for this!  It's too soon!  We needed more fall beauty to behold.  It is all going so fast!!  We had a lot of wind the last couple of days and the leaves that had turned have fallen.  We had many green leaves this year that fell.  It seemed wrong.  But..on to winter I guess.  It is supposed to be cold the next few days. 

Big Post Office

This picture is of the post office in Cable, Ohio.  I have recently thought that I should really take a picture of it because eventually it will either be torn down for a new one or cease to be used for a post office anymore.  There aren't many small ones like this still in operation.  I am not against progress but I've always like the old simple ways I guess. I just think the old buildings are neat.  Wonder how many people have walked in and out of this one?

Monday

Today was grocery shopping.  Not to happy with doing that on a Monday because the shelves were being stocked.  So the store personnel was running around stocking things and they were also putting up things for Christmas.  Looked like some of the upper management from out of town was in supervising it all.  So all of that took longer than expected.  We got home only to find out we forgot 2 items we wanted to get.  So...back to town we went because the one item we needed for today. 

Once we got home and got everything put away, I got chocolate chip cookies baked.  My Granddaughter will love having those for a snack with some milk when she gets off the bus. 

I have the laundry going too so I think I'm doing much better!  :)

Now it's back to work!  I had planned so many projects when I retired.  Got to get started! 

Two steps forward, One step back

Since I retired, I've managed to get some overdue projects started.  Then I got this sinus infection that is going to end up being a month long to get rid of it.  Ugh!!  So, now I'm getting behind on general housework that I was daily keeping up.  😈😬😬😬

So now I'm at that point where I'm feeling a little better but not good enough to tear into everything.  It's a point where I know I need to continue rest to knock this thing but so want to get things done.  I want to do some things outside yet too before it gets to cold.  

   

So tomorrow I am going to start on a fresh list to catch things back up.  Nothing takes the place of persistence, remember that people!  :)

Again!

Off this morning to Urgent Care again!!  The sinus infection was coming back.  Coughed half the night last night.  I got a different antibiotic and something for the inflammation.  Good grief!  Rory and Kendra were here and they were up for a lot of squealing and bouncing around.  LOL  Don't let anyone tell you girls can't be as rowdy as boys..they can. 

My mighty hunter is out trying to get a deer. To early to tell how that might be going.  I do hope he gets one this year. 

I cannot believe we are in November already.  Thanksgiving will be here in a blink of an eye.  We  will be voting on Nov. 6th in the midterms.  This one is a biggie.  Time will tell on that one. 

If you are tuned in, have a great day!!  :)

Things I Don't Get

I guess this could be considered somewhat of a rant but that's O.K.

I don't get purple, orange, blue or green hair.  If that officially makes me old I'm O.K. with that.  I don't get guys wearing their jeans down past their bottoms and including a belt with the whole thing.  I don't get the big ear plugs or booger catcher nose rings, eyebrow rings or tongue rings.  I am not judging the people that have them, I'm just saying I don't get it!  I don't get tats all over some one's nice lookin' face.  I don't get drinking so much that it makes one sick and losing the whole next day of your life because you don't feel good.  I don't get people that wanna wear "vagina hats".  Now THAT brings a person a lot of respect doesn't it?  I don't get a political party claiming to be peaceful and turning around and telling their base to be violent.  I don't get wearing flip flops in the snowy weather.  I don't get the Goth look.  Looking like one crawled out of a crypt.

More rants may come in the future!  Stay tuned!

Gosh that felt good!

The Morning Walk

We decided when I retired that we would try to walk for our health.  So we started this morning.  We went to North Lewisburg and walked the bike trail.  Our destination was the covered bridge.

Our walk started in Champaign County, Ohio and ended up at the bridge in Union County, Ohio.  This is a nice walk from North Lewisburg.  It was a good way to start our day.  :)

"The Light Within Me", by Ainsley Earnhardt

I just finished reading "The Light Within Me" by Ainsley Earnhardt.

It was never my intention to write a book review but I feel compelled to do so.

This book is a hope builder, a character builder and a boost to one's faith.  It is for those who have struggles, for those who need hope and for those who have goals and dreams.  It is for those who are grateful, for those who are blessed and for those who would like to be blessed.  It is one of the best books I have ever read.  Perhaps God has put it into the hands of someone who needed to read it.

This book will not remain on a shelf to collect dust.  It must be shared for the benefit of others.

Thank you Ainsley

Retirement

Four years ago, my husband officially retired from working at Honda.  At the time, he told me if I continued working for another 4.5 yrs., I could retire as well.  So...it's been that long and I retired the 29th of Sept., 2018.  This was also my husband's birthday so it was a big day.  It felt really weird turning in my keys and cash drawer and cleaning out my work area.  Everything was placed in a box and put in my trunk.  (The box is still sitting in my home office as I haven't gotten around to sorting it out and putting things away.) I will get to it though.  I still have my babysitting job at night watching our 2 granddaughters.  They are a joy but keep me hopping constantly.  They are another reason I retired early.  I am 59 and not considered old enough according to a lot of my friends.  But..they don't live my life. 

I am still trying to establish my new habits.  We all have them, right?  Our daily rituals which may or may not include morning coffee.  For me, it's caffeine in a diet coke.  (I know, it's not good for me.)  I could have worse habits though. 

The 2nd week I was off, I went over to help my brother with some weed eating and cleaning out a flower bed.  That resulted in my allergies kicking up and my ending up with a sinus infection.  I was only trying to help!  Grrr.

The stress of dealing with the bad side of the public is over.  (There WERE people I did enjoy interacting with as far as customers too.)

When my husband retired from his job he started working for a farmer friend of his.  He has now retired from that as well.  So, we will see how we establish our habits from here on out.  It will be an adjustment I am sure to be with each other 24/7.  LOL

Seize the Moment

I have figured out that the best time to do this is when the mood strikes.  If not, the moment and the mood passes and it is gone. 

Tonight, we had a gathering for my youngest diabetic brother (Joe) who has turned 50 and has landed in a nursing home. :(  As I sat there and watched everything unfold, I began thinking of how our lives (the lives of the Knox children) have ended up thus far.  My oldest brother has Parkinson's disease.  He is still living at his home but has his difficulties.  His wife divorced him and he is now living alone.  My other younger brother has diabetes.  He does well with his health care as near as I can tell.  I have had my issues but they have not been as critical as theirs.  I recognize this blessing and give credit to God where it is due.When we were children, we actually never thought of future difficulties and I guess most kids don't.

Joe was diagnosed as a diabetic when he was 3. He has been down a rough road.  We lived beside a railroad track.  I can remember playing in the yard and watching the trains go by.  My favorites were the passenger cars.  We always waved at those folks until someone waved back. I can only imagine what those people thought of us barefoot rowdies.  I always wanted to ride in one of those cars but never did.  We saw cars from everywhere and we read whatever was printed on the side.  We saw lots of graffiti as well. Sometimes we counted the cars.   I always wondered where those people were going. We had an old railroad tower on our property as we lived on the site of the old Hagenbaughs Station. The tower had actually been moved and sat on our property at this time.

  Dad eventually tore the building down because he couldn't keep us kids from wanting to play inside.  It really wasn't safe, I must say.

I really breaks my heart to see what my brothers are going through. It just hurts.

Skipping Around

I've been skipping around looking at other blogs I used to read all the time.  (Haven't had time to do that in a while, but since I can't sleep..)  Some of you people have such interesting lives it seems.  Mine is normal I guess.  Just grabbing all the happiness I can find along the way and tolerating anything that doesn't fall in that category.  But, it felt good to get back into the groove.  I feel like I have put this part of my life aside for too long.  Maybe I can write more now since I'm home.

What to Say

It's been so long I don't know where to start.  I guess I just try to fill in some blanks.  I am now retired from the bank (No, I'm not officially old enough.)  My husband and I babysit our 2 granddaughters every night that their parents have to work their second shift.  They are a joy.  I felt like I was burning my candle at both ends for a while because I was working full time.  Things can ease up now. 

My youngest brother now resides in a nursing home.  He will be 50 this month.  Prayers please! 
I hope that I will have more time to help my brother with the Parkinson's as well as visit the brother in the nursing home.  And my Dad...I've got to see my Dad more.

There is much going on in the world today.  President Trump has done a lot of good things.  I am on that Trump Train and don't plan on getting off anytime soon.  I pray to God that he watches over him and his staff.  I don't understand the left at all.  I don't believe in the same things they do.  I have to follow my heart and vote for the person that I think will do best for the country.  People are being so mean to each other.  It is disgraceful.  The country is dealing with abortion rights, human trafficking, mobs and the like.  It is horrible.  People are dishonoring our vets and our flag.  It is all horrible stuff. 

So, other than that, I'm nursing a cold here for a couple of days and feel miserable.  Our main T.V. died too.  Geez!  Didn't really want that expense right now.  So...life goes on.